I have a debilitating fear of public speaking, which I am increasingly forced to “overcome” at work to grow in my career. Each time I have to give a presentation, the physical experience is excruciating and, sadly, never gets easier.
It begins with a chill from deep within my body that makes me cold-sweat, not just from the usual places but also from the top of my head—my hair actually gets wet! My throat tightens up, which makes it hard to talk (not to mention breathe). And—this is my personal favorite—my mind blacks out while I am speaking. Like, I literally cannot recall what happened or what I said. Afterward, I get a crazy “hangover” headache, probably from all the adrenaline. It’s a really terrible feeling. If you can relate, read this—‘cause I see you.
I have taken countless courses on how to improve my public speaking. Countless! But the constant exposure to my fear with no movement in the progress department has left me wondering about the value of torturing myself for the sake of “personal growth.” What if I’m OK with not being a public speaker?
I know I’m not the only one who feels constant pressure to always achieve, to conquer fears, to develop myself, and to be better. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Yes, ambitions and goals are important. But it should be OK to not always be in pursuit of something. A person cannot always be striving, pushing limits, and looking towards the next big thing. Constantly striving for success leads to bad things: burnout, missed connections with other humans and a lack of appreciation for what you have achieved. Not to mention, there’s no guarantee that what comes next is better than what is now.
I just want to feel content at work and enjoy where I’m at right now, even if that means not mastering skills like public speaking, but I’m finding it hard to give myself permission to do that. Especially since complacency is not rewarded—both in the workplace and out in the world in general.
I hereby vow to never take another public speaking class again. It’s not my strength, it’s not how I’m wired, and I’m going to work on being OK with that. I’ve decided it’s OK to just … be. I can be someone who’s not a good public speaker and still feel good and proud.
