The Many Reasons Resilience Matters

When someone goes through a hard time, we often talk about “bouncing back.” However, Daniel L. Hoffman, PhD, ABPP, director of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Practice with Northwell Health Physician Partners, prefers to think of it as “bouncing forward”—or finding a way to adapt to your new reality, without too many lingering emotional effects.

The ability to do that is resiliency. Here, Hoffman discusses what resilience is, where it comes from, why it’s important, and how to nurture it.

What is resilience?

The idea of resilience was popularized in the 1970s, when psychologist Emmy Werner discovered that some kids who came from poor socioeconomic backgrounds still managed to thrive. These children tended to have a handful of characteristics in common. For example, they had at least one positive role model and one skill that gave them a sense of pride and acceptance. These protective factors helped buffer the children against the challenging effects that could have otherwise resulted from their upbringing. At the time, Werner defined resilience as the children’s “capacity to cope effectively” with both internal and external stressors.

Today, psychologists know that resilience can benefit people of any age. As Hoffman notes, resilience really is bouncing forward to your new reality, and trying to figure out how to cope with and not let those events scar you for life. “It’s being able to overcome adversity or trauma in a healthy way,” he says.

If someone is resilient, they engage in problem-solving instead of just giving up when things get tough, and they’re able to regulate their emotions and practice self-compassion. These traits are useful when dealing with everyday stressors—like a heavy workload or disagreement with a friend—and with more serious events, from job loss to divorce to trauma.

There are a few different types of resilience:

• Mental resilience: If you can cope with change and uncertainty, you’re mentally resilient.
• Physical resilience: This refers to your body’s ability to recover from age-related health challenges. Researchers say it’s an essential part of healthy aging.
• Social resilience: Having social resilience means you have the ability to work with a group of people to solve problems and build a sense of community.

So where does resilience come from? Are we born with it, or do we have to actively cultivate it? “Like everything else, it’s a combination of nature and nurture,” Hoffman explains. “It’s never just biology, and it’s never just social.”

Researchers have found, for example, that resilience is fostered in part by growing up in a “loving, emotionally responsive, consistent, and reliable” home. However, anyone can develop resilience—it’s not a personality trait. Think of resilience as a skill that you can nurture and grow over time with dedicated effort.

The many benefits of resilience

Resilience leads to a wide variety of physical, emotional, and mental benefits. It mitigates the way stress affects the body, and as a result, can lead to reduced risk of obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. One study even suggests that resilience is linked with longevity, noting that participants with the highest levels of resiliency were 53% less likely to die in the next decade, compared to those with the lowest levels.

Researchers have also found that the more self-reported resilience someone has, the lower their levels of anxiety, psychological distress, and depression. That’s true even for people who experienced trauma as kids or adults, as well as those experiencing severe health conditions—a testament to its strong protective power.

There’s also a connection between resilience and confidence. “What I’ve told my patients for years is that once we’ve had repeated exposures to adversity, and we overcome them each time, we start gaining a sense of competence, which leads to confidence,” Hoffman says. “We realize we have the skills to deal with it, and then we start to believe in ourselves.”

Fortunately, there’s an array of evidence-backed ways to boost your resilience. Here’s a look at five of them.

Seek out a role model or mentor. Research suggests that having someone you can count on for guidance and advice is linked with greater resilience. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed at work, you might find a colleague that can help you develop better time-management skills—lowering your stress and, in the process, teaching you that you’re able to find a solution even in tricky situations.

Do some expressive writing. In one study, participants were asked to write freely for 20 minutes a day, documenting their most intimate hopes and fears and all the things they were too afraid to say out loud. It turned out that those who did this for four days were healthier six weeks later and happier three months later, compared to those who just wrote casually. Writing about your most personal thoughts can help you come up with a plan for difficult moments and give you a sense of control, which can increase resilience.

Expand your social circles. As the American Psychological Association notes, fostering connections is an important part of boosting resilience. If you’re not sure how to start, Hoffman recommends joining clubs or other extracurricular activities with people who have similar interests. The more positive social support you have, the more likely you are to be resilient.

Practice self-compassion. Being kind to yourself can go a long way. In fact, research suggests self-compassion gives people the courage to be resilient. The three key ingredients are self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. To achieve that, one researcher recommends doing a daily self-compassion break: Start thinking about a difficult situation that's stressing you out, and say to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering.” Then follow up with: “Suffering is a part of life,” or, “I’m not alone.” Gently put your hands over your heart and soothingly say: “May I be kind to myself.” You may find that it changes the way you treat yourself throughout the rest of the day.

Cultivate gratitude. Researchers have found that gratitude improves people's resilience and well-being—while also helping them relate better to others. Try keeping a gratitude journal, writing a letter to someone explaining why you're thankful for them, or practicing gratitude meditation.

In addition to these strategies, it can be helpful to enlist professional mental health support. “Check in with yourself,” Hoffman says. “If stress or adverse events are stopping you from doing important things in life, and your own problem solving and social supports have not been enough, you need to call a therapist who specializes in evidence-based psychotherapy, including CBT.”

A professional can help you learn about resilience and ways to bolster your levels of it. CBT, for example, is an excellent way to build resilience, Hoffman says. “In a few months, you’re back on your feet with the skills to understand your problems and how to cope with them.”

• I’m trying to set a brave example for my kids.
• Learn more about Northwell’s CBT program.
• Daily habits can help keep your brain sharp.