It's important that you talk to your husband or a trusted friend about what you’re going through. Your husband may love being a dad, but I’d bet there are times he feels frustrated or exhausted by fatherhood, too. Your friends who are moms may also be experiencing their own moments of doubt or regret.
I also encourage you to find a therapist who can help you understand the root of your emotions because where there’s regret, there’s often guilt. A therapist can help you investigate where that stems from and how to navigate those complex feelings and move forward in a healthy way. Trying to ignore these issues can lead to further resentment of your daughter and unhealthy self-soothing behaviors like drinking or substance use.
Regret will often ebb and flow as your child grows and your parenting experience changes. But any guilt you feel for having that regret, despite loving your child, can persist. Working through those feelings with a professional can be beneficial.
If you can’t seek therapy right now, there are books, websites, podcasts, and other resources on parenting regret that can make you feel less alone and provide strategies for coping.
Self-care is also important, and I don’t mean bubble baths and manicures. I mean being kind to yourself, allowing for flexibility in your parenting style, and accepting the parent that you are, versus the one you thought you’d be.
NOTE: If you’re thinking of hurting yourself or your child, please contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline by calling or texting HELP to (800) 422-4453.
