Let's Talk About Female Orgasms

It may not be a topic we talk about on the regular, but orgasms are a natural part of sexuality and play an important role in a woman’s sexual experience. They can be powerful, like an explosion, or mild, like a sneeze. They can also be incredibly emotional or intensely physical—or both.

And no matter what type or orgasms you have, I think we can all agree they make you feel really good. But what are they, exactly? To find out what makes orgasms so amazing, we reached out to Dr. Jill Rabin, an OB/GYN at Northwell Health, to separate fact from fiction, clear up misconceptions, and give us the lowdown on why everyone should be having them.

An orgasm is a response to sexual arousal. When you get turned on, your pelvic area, including your pelvis, vulva, and clitoris, begins to swell with blood. “This can involve any part of the pelvis, or just one specific part, including your vagina, G-spot, clitoris, or rectum. It's all connected,” explains Rabin.

The increased blood circulating in your vagina is what gives you that warm, aroused feeling and stimulates the glandular tissue to produce lubrication, but it’s not just your pelvic region that’s affected when you’re sexually stimulated. Your whole body responds, with your heart rate speeding up and your muscles tightening. You might feel flushed, and your nipples may become hard. As you continue to be stimulated, your muscles contract and blood flow increases until you get the actual moment of release, which is orgasm.

There are different ways women can be stimulated to reach orgasm. The top three include clitoral, vaginal, and mixed, with the most common being a clitoral orgasm. Many women describe this type of orgasm as coming in waves and ending in a state of relaxation. It can range from mild to very intense, especially when compared to vaginal orgasms, which are usually felt deeper and are longer in duration.

Mixed orgasms, meaning they involve both the clitoris and the vagina, are often described as feeling longer, fuller, and more satisfying, but can be more difficult to achieve. Women can also have whole body, anal, non-genital, cervical, and G-spot orgasms, but they’re less common. Just know that there’s no “right” type of orgasm in terms of location or duration as we’re truly all unique.

As for the common myth that you must have penetration to have an orgasm: Women can orgasm without penetration by stimulating the clitoris, breasts, inner thighs, or anywhere in the genital region. And unlike men, women can have multiple orgasms, and the intensity can vary depending on the location and type of stimulation they’re receiving.

Lucky us!

However, women often have more difficulty orgasming than men. This can be related to stress and self-esteem issues. Quoting famous sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Rabin reminds us, “The brain is the most important sex organ in the body.” If you have a lot on your mind, or you’re physically unwell, you might have difficulty reaching orgasm.

When you orgasm, your brain releases a hormone call oxytocin, also known as “the feel good” hormone. The surge of hormones provides a sense of happiness. “If you have a very good orgasm, it's going to make you feel better afterwards,” says Rabin.

Regular orgasms can improve your mental health, help you sleep better, and give your mood a boost. It can also help improve your body image, and it’s even good for the health of your vagina because it provides oxygen to vaginal tissue and strengthens pelvic floor muscles. Orgasms can help you feel better physically, too. Studies suggest it can alleviate leg pain, back pain, and period cramps. 

The short answer is yes. Squirting—also known as female ejaculation—stems from a buildup of vaginal secretions in the vaginal glands and looks more like male semen, thick and milky. This is totally normal, although it’s not clear what percentage of women experience this. As with many aspects of women’s health, there’s very little research on why it happens and how. Fortunately, more research is happening every day for women (finally!).

Rabin says that one thing to keep in mind is that it’s possible to mistake squirting for a loss of urine. If you’re feeling the urge to urinate during sex, and the fluid that is released looks and smells like urine, it’s time to see a urogynecologist to make sure there are no underlying health issues going on.

• I’m into it, but my partner isn’t. What should we do?
• The case for being more sex-positive.
• What is female sexual dysfunction?