We Know Men Avoid Doctors, But Why?

When it comes to making doctor’s appointments, men tend to take one of two approaches. Either we ignore the situation completely and do nothing, or we pretend to care—and then still do nothing. Me? I tend to go with the latter. I’ve even gone as far as telling my wife, “Yeah, I’m on it,” and then left the appointment unmade, hoping she’d just forget about it. (Spoiler alert: She didn’t.)

So, it begs the question, “Why won’t men just go to the doctor?”

According to Nancy LaVine, MD, medical director for ambulatory programs at Northwell Health, it’s complicated. Doctor’s appointments are inconvenient. They’re often uncomfortable. They lack boundaries (turn my head and what?), and they’re often filled with advice of how we can do better. Basically, they can feel like a kick in the balls.

Unlike women, who are taught from an early age the importance of regular health screenings via gynecologist appointments for Pap tests, yearly mammograms, and prenatal care during pregnancy, men just don’t have the same experience. So checking in with our doctor is less familiar. We’re simply not as accustomed to the concept of the doctor’s office.

Plus, according to a survey conducted by Northwell Health, women are more likely to be the “chief medical officer” of their households, scheduling appointments for family members, handling forms, accompanying children and even elderly family members to regular checkups. They’re used to being in exam and waiting rooms, waiting for test results, and building relationships. For them, the process is more routine, less mysterious. Based on their experience alone, “Women are frequently more comfortable in the health care space,” LaVine says.

The question, then, becomes how to get men more comfortable, especially as they get older and their health may need more attention. LaVine likens it to a car. Some people drive them until they stop working, ignoring warning signs as they appear. But others are more conscientious. They get inspections, regularly change the oil, and take care of small problems before they get big because the car has to last and be safe for the family.

She explains that the challenge is having men take the same mind-set with their health. But, LaVine says, there are steps you can take that might move the process forward (and make it less frustrating).

According to LaVine, if a man is married or has a female partner, the most direct move might be for her to schedule the appointment for him. It’s understandable if this is a responsibility a busy woman might not exactly be jumping to take on, but keep in mind that it may help to give him the nudge he needs. (I know it does for me.) If you want to take it a step further, you might consider having the same doctor and booking back-to-back appointments, because that’s a tough one to “forget.”

If you prefer to keep your appointments separate and your partner doesn’t have a primary care physician of his own, ask around for suggestions as to who might be a good fit. Starting with your own physician for a recommendation is always a good idea.

Many guys equate going to the doctor with having to endure a bunch of tests. And while screening tests are a component of routine visits, they’re only a small part of the appointment. While it’s true that being poked and prodded is generally not an enticing reason to do anything, it also ties back into the attitude of, “If I don’t find out, it’s not an issue.”

It may help to remind him that an appointment is his time, as well as the doctor’s. LaVine suggests posing the question, “What do you want to get out of your visit?” A good doctor should ask what you want to address. Encourage him to have a list prepared, part of which should include the biggest fears: his father who got cancer or a friend who recently had a heart attack, for example. It’s not easy to share, but the doctor can help break down and approach any concerns, turn worries into actions, offer reassurance, and show what might be less concerning than you both assume.

It may also be worth a reminder that an appointment isn’t all about uncertainty and problems. “You want to make sure to talk about what your goals are,” she suggests. It could be running a marathon, playing with your kids without huffing and puffing, or hiking on vacation. Taking this approach helps build the relationship with his doctor and ensures that the appointment isn’t merely about required steps. The doctor can look at history, do relevant tests, and lay out a plan for that purpose. Then, the appointment becomes less about tests and finding something wrong, and instead is focused on something that he wants.

Sometimes the nudge comes from thinking about going to the doctor for someone else, namely your children. Traditionally, young boys were taken to pediatricians by their mothers, and may not see engaging in health care as something that men do.

Fathers can change that legacy by becoming involved, taking their kids, asking questions, and advocating for them. It can also be something as simple as getting flu shots together. “Kids learn when they see parents doing things,” LaVine says. “By showing how to interact with the health care team, fathers are laying a healthy foundation for their children.”

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