Do you remember how our marriage began in much the same way we lived our lives? We whipped up a wedding in just four months, jetted off to Italy for a honeymoon, and returned to New York as Mr. and Mrs. There was a part of me that felt like my life had officially begun. We spent the next three years traveling the world, jumping out of airplanes, bar crawling along the Upper East Side of New York City—just the two of us. We had a lot of fun, to say the least.
When we decided it was time to make our dynamic duo a trio, it was an equally exciting time. From the moment you showed me that positive pregnancy test, I just couldn’t wait for the big day to come. Would it be a boy or girl? What would we name him/her? Who would he/she look like? We spent the next nine months gabbing about strollers and sleep rituals and schedules. The anticipation of this little human entering the world and us getting to watch it grow week after week was one of the happiest times in our marriage.
When you went into labor, a few weeks early in fact, it surprised us both. But we rolled with it and hoped for the best. After a super smooth labor and delivery, she was here. SHE! A baby girl. We couldn’t help but wonder, “What did we ever do to deserve this?” She was perfect in every single way. We were over the moon.
The next couple of days were like a hazy dream. We were deliriously happy, mind-numbingly sleep-deprived, and over the moon excited to just quietly stare at our beautiful baby girl. But after 48-hours of endless text messages with friends, phone calls with family, and countless visitors, something changed. Wrapped in a towel, you walked out of the bathroom after a shower and began sobbing. The tears didn’t stop for three straight weeks.
As it turns out, this is quite common. Studies show that upwards of 70 percent of women suffer from “baby blues” and as many as 20 percent of new moms experience symptoms of depression or anxiety. We all know it exists. But the way it took hold of you and held on tight was not something either one of us was really prepared for. But the truth is, I could have recited all the statistics to you every day during your postpartum days and it wouldn’t have made a damn bit of difference. All you needed was for me to listen, really hear your fears, and validate your feelings. I know that now. I wish I had known it then. This is what I wish you knew when you were going through it all.